Jun 12, 2025
Before You Spiral: How to Use the Pause Method to Regulate Your Emotions
We’ve all been there—one tiny trigger, and suddenly it feels like the ground is shifting beneath you.
You snap at a partner.
Send the text you didn’t mean.
Abandon the goal you worked hard for.
Shut down and retreat.
This is what happens when emotions go unchecked and reactions take over. And this is exactly where the Pause Method comes in.
It’s not about “calming down” or pretending you’re fine.
It’s about learning to recognize the early signs of a spiral—and giving yourself space to choose your next move instead of defaulting to survival mode.
Let’s break it down.
1. Recognize the Spiral Before It Peaks
The spiral doesn’t start when you cry, explode, or shut down. It starts before—in the subtle cues your body and mind give you.
Early signs you’re about to spiral:
You start catastrophizing or jumping to conclusions.
Your heart rate picks up or your stomach feels tight.
You get snappy, withdrawn, or overly perfectionistic.
You start feeling like everything is too much or out of control.
📚 According to Dr. Daniel Siegel’s research on emotional regulation, these are signs your brain is beginning to leave the prefrontal cortex (logic and decision-making) and hand the reins over to the amygdala (fear and reactivity).
The earlier you notice, the better your chance of interrupting the spiral.
2. The Pause Method: How It Works
The Pause Method is exactly what it sounds like: a deliberate pause before acting on a difficult emotion.
But it’s not just about breathing or counting to 10—it’s about having a personalized plan ready for when things feel overwhelming.
The Pause Method = Recognize → Pause → Redirect
Here’s how to build it:
Step 1: Recognize
Become familiar with your body’s “early warning” signals. Is your jaw tense? Do you feel pressure in your chest? Does your thinking get frantic? Awareness is everything.
Step 2: Pause
The pause is a nervous system reset. It gives your brain time to shift out of fight-or-flight. Try:
Putting your phone down and walking to another room.
Splashing cold water on your face (activates the vagus nerve).
Saying out loud: “I’m spiraling—I need a minute.”
Taking 10 deep, slow breaths.
Step 3: Redirect
Once you’re in a calmer state, you redirect—by choosing one item from a list you made before you were triggered.
This is the key: you’re not making decisions mid-spiral. You’re following a pre-set plan that’s based on what works for you.
3. Make Your Personal “Pause List”
This is your toolkit—a list of simple actions that help you ground, self-soothe, or shift energy when emotions feel overwhelming.
Your list might include:
Go outside and feel sunlight on your face
Listen to one song that always calms or energizes you
Journal one paragraph about what you’re actually feeling
Voice note a friend and say, “Just need to vent for 90 seconds”
Move your body—walk, dance, stretch, shake
Drink water or eat a nourishing snack (blood sugar crashes = emotional chaos)
Studies from the University of California, Berkeley have shown that naming emotions and engaging the body are two of the fastest ways to restore regulation to the nervous system and lower cortisol levels.
Write your list when you're calm. Keep it in your Notes app, a Post-it, or even your lock screen. The less effort it takes to access, the more likely you’ll use it.
4. Why It Works (a.k.a. The Science)
The Pause Method interrupts a common pattern: emotion → reaction → regret.
By taking a pause, you give the prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for rational thinking and emotional regulation) time to re-engage.
A 2016 study published in Mindfulness found that people who practiced pausing before reacting to emotional triggers showed reduced activation in the amygdala and improved regulation of mood and behavior (Kral et al., 2016).
In other words, you stay in control—not your feelings.
5. Bonus Tip: Create a “Spiral Safe Plan” for Big Feelings
Sometimes the spiral is tied to something specific—like conflict, work burnout, or anxious thoughts at night.
You can pre-plan specific pause actions for your common triggers.
For example:
Conflict with partner: Leave the room for 5 mins + write down what you want to say before saying it out loud.
Work stress: Close all tabs, put on a playlist, do 20 jumping jacks.
Night anxiety: Keep a “worry dump” journal next to your bed.
Preparation turns reactivity into resilience.
Conclusion: You Don’t Need to Be Calm—You Just Need to Pause
You don’t have to be perfectly regulated to change your patterns.
You just have to catch the spiral one moment earlier than you usually do.
The Pause Method is not about suppressing emotion. It’s about slowing down enough to make a conscious choice—one that protects your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect.
You deserve tools that meet you where you are.
This one starts with a breath—and ends with you staying grounded through it all.
Cited Sources: