You’ve heard it before.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“At least it’s not worse.”
“Just stay positive!”
On the surface, these sound helpful. Encouraging, even. But when you’re struggling, hearing these phrases can feel invalidating and isolating, and ironically, worse than staying silent.
Welcome to the world of toxic positivity: the pressure to maintain a relentlessly upbeat attitude no matter what you're going through.
Let’s get clear. Positivity isn’t the problem.
The problem is when positivity is used as a shield to avoid discomfort, deny pain, or shut down emotional honesty.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that negative emotions should be suppressed, minimized, or “fixed” quickly. It is positivity taken to the extreme, where there is no room for struggle, sadness, anger, grief, or even nuance.
It can show up in conversations like:
“Everything will work out, don’t worry about it.”
“Just focus on the good.”
“Stop being so negative.”
And sometimes, we say it to ourselves.
According to a 2021 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, forcing people to suppress or “positive-spin” their emotions can actually intensify stress responses rather than relieve them (Troy et al., 2021).
Why It’s Harmful
Toxic positivity does not just feel emotionally dismissive. It can actually interfere with healing.
Here’s how:
Shame: You feel bad for feeling bad.
Disconnection: You avoid opening up out of fear of being misunderstood or judged.
Emotional repression: Bottled-up emotions can manifest as chronic stress, anxiety, or even physical symptoms.
Stalled processing: You bypass the emotional work needed to move forward with clarity.
Studies published in Emotion found that emotional suppression correlates with higher levels of psychological distress and lower relationship satisfaction (Gross & John, 2003).
So while “look on the bright side” might sound harmless, it often discourages us from sitting with what is real.
Toxic Positivity vs Emotional Resilience
Here’s the difference:
Toxic positivity demands perfection in your emotions.
Emotional resilience allows for presence with your emotions.
One says: “Stop crying, it’s not that bad.”
The other says: “It makes sense that you’re upset. I’m here.”
One is about avoidance.
The other is about integration.
True emotional wellness is about making space for the full range of your humanity, not bypassing the uncomfortable parts.
How to Dismantle Toxic Positivity (Gently)
If you’ve been on the giving or receiving end of toxic positivity, you’re not a bad person. You’re human and likely operating from habit or cultural conditioning.
Here’s how to shift:
Validate before reframing
Instead of “At least…” try “That sounds really hard. Want to talk more about it?”
Normalize complexity
Life is not all good or all bad. It is okay to hold joy and pain at the same time.
Build emotional vocabulary
Get specific: sad, overwhelmed, jealous, uncertain, tender. Naming it helps you move through it.
Practice non-performative support
You do not need to solve it. You just need to sit with it.
Stop treating emotions like a problem to fix
They are messengers, not malfunctions.
Research from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center shows that naming and accepting difficult emotions leads to better emotional regulation and mental health outcomes (Kircanski et al., 2022).
Conclusion: Feeling All the Feels Is the Real Vibe
At Seven Wellness Club, emotional wellness does not mean perfect control or constant positivity. It means emotional fluency.
Being well does not mean being happy all the time.
It means being honest with yourself and feeling safe to express the full spectrum of what is inside you.
You’re not broken for feeling low.
You’re not failing if you don’t bounce back instantly.
You’re healing.
You’re human.
And that is enough.
