You know the feeling.
Maybe you’re about to reach out to someone you know isn’t safe.
Maybe you’re tempted to self-soothe with weed, wine, or scrolling.
Maybe you’re on the verge of saying something hurtful, or saying nothing at all and disappearing into the shutdown.
These are urges: intense emotional impulses your brain sends out to try and restore control. When you react automatically, you reinforce the spiral. When you pause and observe, you rewire it.
But what if that moment, that urge, is actually a wave?
And instead of fighting it, you could learn to ride it?
That is the idea behind urge surfing, a mindfulness-based strategy used in therapy, addiction recovery, and emotional regulation training that is backed by real neuroscience.
What Is Urge Surfing?
Urge surfing is a technique developed by psychologist Dr. Alan Marlatt, who pioneered mindfulness approaches to addiction recovery.
The concept is simple:
Your urges to eat, yell, scroll, smoke, text, rise and fall like waves.
They build. They crest. They pass.
Instead of giving in or trying to suppress the feeling (which often backfires), you observe the urge without acting on it. You let the wave pass and you stay grounded while it does.
Why It Works: The Neuroscience Behind It
Urges are fueled by a part of the brain called the limbic system, which controls survival-based drives like hunger, fear, and pleasure. When you act on an impulse, like stress eating or doom scrolling, your brain gets a dopamine reward and that reinforces the habit.
Studies show that simply noticing an urge with mindful awareness can activate the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for rational decision-making and self-control (Brewer et al., 2011).
In short, you rewire your brain every time you surf an urge instead of reacting to it.
How to Urge Surf in Real Life
Here is a four-step breakdown to help you ride the wave instead of being swept up in it.
1. Notice the Urge
Pause. Label what is happening without judgment.
“I’m feeling the urge to stress eat right now.”
“I want to send a passive-aggressive text.”
“I feel like quitting everything.”
That moment of naming the urge is powerful because it creates distance between you and the feeling.
2. Tune Into the Sensation
Ask yourself:
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Where do I feel this in my body
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Is it tight, tingly, hot
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Does it move or shift
This grounds you in your body and helps deactivate some of the emotional intensity.
3. Breathe Through It
Take slow, deep breaths. Picture the urge like a wave rising and falling.
Remind yourself: This will not last forever.
Most urges peak around 10 to 20 minutes, then fade on their own.
4. Redirect Your Attention (Optional but Helpful)
You can simply sit with the feeling, or gently redirect to something neutral or nourishing:
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Drink a glass of water
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Go for a short walk
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Open your notes app and brain dump
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Text a friend “Hey, remind me not to spiral right now”
This is not avoidance. It is deliberate grounding.
But What If the Urge Wins?
It is okay. The goal is not perfection. It is practice.
Even noticing that you had an urge, even if you gave into it, is progress. It builds awareness. And awareness is what changes everything.
Why This Matters for Emotional Wellness
Urge surfing does not just apply to addiction or cravings. It is for any intense emotion that tries to hijack your peace.
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Anxiety spirals
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Anger outbursts
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Impulsive shopping
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Social media doom scrolling
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Reaching out to someone you know is not good for you
When you learn to pause, observe, and ride it out, you prove to yourself:
I am not my urges. I am the one who chooses what comes next.
Final Thought: Waves Will Come. You Can Learn to Surf.
You do not have to act on every urge to feel better.
You do not have to power through every emotion with force.
You just have to remember:
This is a wave. It will pass.
And every time you ride it out, you get stronger.
